Choice bro

Despite knowing intellectually that having a baby would completely change my life, NOTHING had prepared me for the true reality of bringing a newborn home for the very first time. Without doubt, becoming a mum is by far the most challenging thing I have ever had to do - physically, mentally and emotionally. Professionally, I am capable and confident. If there is a problem, I work on fixing it immediately. Shock, horror - this idealism does not work with an infant who cannot verbalise the cause of streaming hot tears at 2 in the morning!

In retrospect, the biggest adjustment I had to make since joining mummyhood was not about surviving on limited sleep. It was not about learning new nappy changing techniques nor the intricacies of breast feeding. It was not about my "loss" of freedom from social and career networks. In fact, the biggest adjustment I had to make, had absolutely nothing to do with my baby, and everything to do with me.

By nature, I am a people pleaser ... so I have been told by several blunt personality tests. For the first time in my life, I had to be an adult in every possible sense. I was responsible for making decisions that technically had no right or wrong answer. Without any training and without a manual - or should I say multiple manuals with very conflicting advice - I had to navigate my way through a minefield of choices that would ultimately see SOMEBODY disagree with whatever choice I made. I was confronted with my worst nightmare - not being able to keep everybody happy, all of the time.

I have come to appreciate that 'motherhood' is code for the world's biggest "choose your own adventure" book. And the choices are relentless - natural birth v caesarean, drugs v no drugs, disposable nappies v cloth nappies, independent sleeping v co-sleeping, breast feeding v bottle feeding, dummies v self soothing. And on and on it goes - public schooling v private schooling - until you finally reach "do I buy my child a sports car or a yacht for her 15th birthday?" Fortunately I am spared that particular dilemma that has faced Clive Palmer and Kanye West. Even for us regular folk, the choices never appear to end - and are nearly always presented with a socially accepted or preferred option against a seemingly inferior one.

As adults, you cannot tell who was a naturally born, breastfed, self soothing, independently sleeping infant from the multitude of other variations. It would be very interesting to survey nobel peace prize winners, grammy and oscar winners, world leading surgeons, scientists, politicians, entrepreneurs and athletes to see how many fit this "idyllic" mould of how to give your child the best possible start in life.

Making peace with the idea that our choices have been the best for our unique family situatin has not been easy. Especially when others aren't shy in voicing their opinions on how they have done things differently, are doing things differently and would be doing things differently ... if they had a child and therefore came close to having an iota what they were actually pratting on about. But over time this acceptance has become second nature and is now responsible for bringing calmness, sanity and happiness into our home. And that is what I think has ultimately given our baby the best possible start in life, regardless of what the so-called "experts" have to say.